The Ocean in A Cup
by LostGetFound
Summary: When depression hits, it's always a heavy blow. For Alec Lightwood, who has never quite measured up, it might just be fatal. Just an angsty little ficlet in which Alec struggles with a choice between life and death... and finds a little help along the way.
1. Alone

**Hey everyone! This is a little ficlet inspired by teen angst and a few lines from Teen Wolf.**

From my perch on the corner of the bridge, I could see the entire New York Skyline. The lights of city shone brightly, glaringly, compared to the dark water beneath my dangling feet. Twenty feet… Thirty feet… There was no telling how deep the river went, no telling how far the dark depths descended.

Personally, I didn't really care. I was here for one reason and one reason only: to jump.

They said drowning was the easiest way to die, the calmest. Your body would fight the change at first. Your lungs would struggle to hold onto that last remaining breath as if it could actually save you. But sooner or later, inevitably, your mouth would open and water would come rushing in. Lungs filled to the brim with dirty river water, you'd gasp desperately for that last breath as the sweet release of oblivion overtook you.

It was that sweet release I was chasing tonight. I was tired of being frustrated, hurt, and exhausted. I wanted it to be over.

And if I could only work up the courage to jump, it would be.

What did I have to live for anyway? The man I loved who couldn't stand the sight of me? My golden-haired parabatai who was emotionally damaged and only cared about his girlfriend anyway? My parents who currently lived in different countries? My brother who was already dead?

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking I'm probably some poor little rich mundane throwing a pity party. You're thinking that I'm probably just exaggerating. But if you had ever met me, you would know that that's not true.

I'm alone. Desperate, broken, and lonely. Devastated.

Since we haven't met, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Alec Lightwood, and I'm the guy who just lost everything.

**Not sure what I think about it, so I'm curious. Your opinion please?**


	2. Learning to Fall

**SO SO sorry it's been so long since I updated! It's been about a year since I wrote ANYTHING, so getting back into creative writing has been a bit tough. But lucky for me, I found this in my archives all typed up and ready to go!**

The cost of misery was at an all time high. Raised on the belief that family was everything, I had based my existence on the need to keep those closest to me safe. The compulsion to save them was ingrained even deeper beneath my skin than any mark could ever be.

Only now, things were changing. With each day that passed, another crack showed through the carefully constructed facades we wore. We were all crumbling in different directions. Where we once stood united, now only ashes remained.

Protection was the only thing I was good at, and I even failed at that. That's all I was: a miserable, lonely failure.

"Alec!"

Inexplicably, my attention was drawn back to the ink-black depths spread out below me. The shimmering water was mesmerizing, so much so that I could hear it calling my name. I imagined it whispering just how easily, how quickly I could end it all. All of this pain had been building up for so long. I had kept it hidden, close to the surface inside.

But the pain refused to be smothered any longer.

"Alec!"

I could forgive myself for not being there for Jace. After all, his entire life was based on pulling away from people. I could even begin to forgive myself for not holding my parents together; their problems were nothing a simple band-aid could fix. Isabelle thought I didn't know, but I understood more than she could fathom. I had sat next to their door on countless nights and listened to fight after fight, torturing myself because I was never enough.

Above all others, one failure refused to relinquish its hold on the poison that laced my heart. Thoughts of Magnus, thoughts of my own mistakes, were slowly consuming me. _Jump_, they whispered. _He hates you. He's better off without you. He'll find someone else… again._

The last whisper was the breaking point. Finding someone else was as easy as breathing for him. He had done it thousands of times before.

So, it was really over.

I was done.

It was time to let go… and so I did.

"Alec don't do this!" The shrill voice that echoed from somewhere behind me was filled with something akin to terror. I knew that voice. The sound of it broke through my thrall, but not before I toppled forward into the abyss.

**There will be a total of four or five chapters, and I haven't written them yet, but I can promise that none will be as depressing as the first two! I really should leave you with a cliffy… but I'm dying to tell you what I have planned… nope, can't spoil it!**


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